MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
