Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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