omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
