What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
