dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Operation Purity has been aborted
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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