They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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