let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
