my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
