Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
