My nipple is on Facebook.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize