You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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