Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
