I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
