Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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