TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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