Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
