I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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