just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
