I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
