Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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