I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
