And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
