P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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