Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
