Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
