I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize