i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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