So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
operation harelip BJ is a go
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
