Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
