Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
