What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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