when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
