Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
