so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she peed on how many people?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
