He uses pillows to masturbate.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So many bounce houses so little time
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
