The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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