You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
