How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
