Umm I'm too high to move.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize