Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
