mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
