moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
