The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
