my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize