saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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