I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
