You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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