A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
this will be a night to untag.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
