She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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