he was CRYING into my vagina
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
