Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
