And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
