Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
