I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
