Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
