i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
