Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
