i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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