Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
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