This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
