so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
