sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
