my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
