So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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