i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is Oprah even human
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
