Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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