I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
