i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
