Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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