Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
