I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
