Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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