Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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