Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
