hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
