why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
