I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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