what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
MIDGETS
????
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
