Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
