She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have already put on my inside pants.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
