I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
