He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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