he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
