They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
