We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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