8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
