she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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