Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
