I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You're like the curious george of whores
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
3pm strippers are depressing
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
