she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
