i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
