Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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