that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
