If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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