tell your sister to shave her snatch
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
